Being Back

    One of the strangest parts of going abroad is coming back. This is the time when you find yourself a stranger eventhough you're at home.  For Jen and I, here are a few of the impressions we've had in coming back to the U.S. from Africa:
      >  America is so spoiled!  The other day Nathanael invited some friends into the house to get a drink of water.  He was so proud to show them that you can drink the water, right from the tap.  His friends weren't that impressed.  Running hot water on demand, clean filtered water in the taps, food, food, food everywhere you turn and without worries of it making you sick, paved roads, large parking spaces, garbage trucks and mailmen, Walmarts, high speed wireless internet...I almost cried the first time I got on the internet; Jen had the same reaction the first time she did laundry.  Everything is so easy and convenient! Don't get me wrong, I love it.  But the fact of the matter is that none of us in the West should ever complain.  We have it so easy.
     >  Everyone looks the same.  Everywhere I go, I feel like I should know people.  In Guinea we were living the small town life where you know someone everywhere you go, but here I feel like everyone around me looks really familiar because they're all white, Americans.  Furthermore, I look the same.  I guess I got used to the super star status we enjoyed in Africa--everyone staring and pointing at us, calling out to us as we walk by, clamoring for our attention, running up for a high five or a hug.  Back stateside, I know I'm different from everyone else, having lived abroad and experienced another part of the world, but no one around me seems to notice it.  To the naked eye I'm just regular Joe.  But I don't want to be regular Joe.  I've learned and experienced so much, I just can't fit back into "regular" society.
     >  Safe!  I didn't realize the tension that had built up from always being on guard.  Especially towards the end of our time, I was always looking out for potential threats and hazards to our health:  Will we get sick if we rinse our toothbrush in the sink?  Will the kids catch malaria if they play in the backyard?  Am I safe sleeping without insect repellent?  Can I let Abi crawl around the floor without getting some kind of rash?  Can I try the food at the local stand?  Did we disenfect the apples before eating them?  Our bodies are definitely still readjusting, working out some the symptoms we've acquired abroad:  skin problems, stomach issues, etc.  But it's so nice to feel safe again.  Even on the airplane I felt such relief in being able to ingest things without thinking about what consequences might result.  And now that we're back, I'm going to the opposite extreme, eating food that's fallen on the floor or fruits and veggies right out of the bag.  I'm so relaxed about everything because things here are so much more sanitary and safe.  We have quite the horror stories to share when it comes to unsanitary conditions that everything here feels like living in a hospital.

    As predicted, I'm finding myself much more quiet and pensive.  I even had to force myself to write down this post, feeling more the need and desire to withdraw into myself rather than try to share it with others.  I guess it's due to fear that no one will understand, that others can't understand what I myself am having a hard time wrapping my mind around.  So more than anything this journal entry is an attempt to try to unravel what I'm going through.  There's a LOT more to process and discuss, the emotions of family dynamics, job security vs. vacation time just to name a couple, but at least this is a start.  It will be interesting to see how it all plays out, and what kind of person and family we become through it all.  One thing is for sure, we are not the same as when we left, at least for now...